Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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