Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
