I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
