are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
