she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Michael Bay diarrhea
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
