I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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