Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
