What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
