You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
