just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
