Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
