I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
