I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
