im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
