I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
