he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
