break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
