Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
