This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
