I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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