Slut skills are useful in every country.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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