I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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