So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
