it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
