my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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