I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
