found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
