goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
