everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
