He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
