i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
