Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
