Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
