are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
