i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
