they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
