I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
