my mouth tastes like poor choices
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
