Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize