btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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