Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
