dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
