the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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