so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
