Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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