I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
