I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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