So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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