Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize