there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
