Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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