he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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