i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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