when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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