Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
