Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
