We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
