i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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