i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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