Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
