yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
