That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
