I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
