just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
