She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize