after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
