I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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