I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
