Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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