I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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