There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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