If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize