dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
