i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
