I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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