All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
