We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize