I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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