Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
