my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize