Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
