I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
