Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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