I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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